The Host Chapter 31: Needed

I froze and and then looked quickly over my shoulder to plan if some wiz was behind me.Gladys was his wife, Jamie whispered almost silently. She didnt hightail it.Gladys, Walter tell to me, oblivious to my reaction. Would you believe I went and got cancer? What argon the odds, eh? Never took a sick day in my life His voice faded go forth until I couldnt hear it, just now his lips continued to move. He was too weak to lift his hand his fingers dragged themselves toward the edge of the cot, toward me.Ian nudged me forward.What should I do? I breathed. The sweat beading on my fore boss had nonhing to do with the humid heat. grandfather lived to be a hundred and one, Walter wheezed, audible again. Nobody ever had cancer in my family, not regular(a) the cousins. Didnt your aunt Regan hire skin cancer, though?He looked at me trustingly, waiting for an answer. Ian poked me in the guts.Um I mumbled.Maybe that was Bills aunt, Walter allowed.I shot a panicked look at Ian, who shr ugged. Help, I m asidehed at him.He motioned for me to take Walters searching fingers.Walters skin was chalk white and translucent. I could see the faint pulse of blood in the blue veins on the back of his hand. I lifted his hand gingerly, worried somewhat the slender bones that Jamie had said were so brittle. It matte up too light, as if it were hollow.Ah, Gladdie, its been hard with off you. Its a nice place here youll like it, scour when Im gone. Plenty of people to talk to-I know how you need to confuse your conversation The brashness of his voice sank until I couldnt make step up the words anymore, but his lips still shaped the words he wanted to share with his wife. His mouth kept moving, even when his eye closed and his head lolled to the side.Ian tack a wet cloth and began wiping Walters shining human panorama.Im not good at at deception, I whispered, watching Walters mutter lips to make sure he wasnt auditory sense to me. I dont want to up cross out him.You dont have to say anything, Ian reassured me. Hes not lucid enough to care.Do I look like her?not a bit-Ive seen her picture. Stocky redhead.Here, let me do that.Ian gave me the rag, and I cleaned the sweat take out Walters neck. Busy hands always make me emotional state more comfortable. Walter continued to mumble. I mind I heard him say, Thanks, Gladdie, thats nice.I didnt notice that mercantilisms snores had stopped. His familiar voice was suddenly there behind me, too light to incisionle.How is he?Delusional, Ian whispered. Is that the brandy or the pain? more than the pain, I would think. Id trade my right arm for some morphine.Maybe Jared will produce another miracle, Ian suggested.Maybe, medico sighed.I wiped absently at Walters pallid face, listening more intently now, but they didnt speak of Jared again.Not here, Melanie whispered.Looking for help for Walter, I agreed.Alone, she added.I thought about the last time Id seen him-the kiss, the belief He probably wanted some ti me to himself.I hope he isnt out there convincing himself that youre a very talented actress-slash-Seeker againThats possible, of course.Melanie groaned silently.Ian and doctor murmured in quiet voices about inconsequential things, mostly Ian catching Doc up on what was going on in the caves.What happened to Wandas face? Doc whispered, but I could still hear him easily.More of the same, Ian said in a tight voice.Doc do an upset noise under his breath and then clicked his tongue.Ian told him a bit about tonights awkward class, about Geoffreys questions.It would have been convenient if Melanie had been possessed by a Healer, Doc mused.I flinched, but they were behind me and probably didnt notice.Were lucky it was Wanda, Ian murmured in my defense. No one else -I know, Doc interrupted, good-natured as always. I guess I should say, its too bad Wanda didnt have more of an interest in medicine.Im sorry, I murmured. I was careless to reap the benefits of perfect health without ever bein g unusual about the cause.A hand touched my shoulder. You have nothing to apologize for, Ian said.Jamie was being very quiet. I looked around and saw that he was curled up on the cot where Doc had been napping.Its late, Doc noted. Walters not going anywhere tonight. You should get some sleep.Well be back, Ian promised. Let us know what we can bring, for all of you.I laid Walters hand set ashore, patting it cautiously. His eyes snapped open, focusing with more awareness than in the beginning.Are you leaving? he wheezed. Do you have to go so soon?I took his hand again quickly. No, I dont have to leave.He smiled and closed his eyes again. His fingers locked around mine with brittle strength.Ian sighed.You can go, I told him. I dont mind. embrace Jamie back to his bed.Ian glanced around the room. Hold on a sec, he said, and then he grabbed the cot closest to him. It wasnt heavy-he lifted it easily and slid it into place next to Walters. I stretched my arm to the limit, trying not t o jostle Walter, so that Ian could arrange the cot under it. Then he grabbed me up in force(p) as easily and set me on the cot beside Walter. Walters eyes never fluttered. I gasped quietly, caught off guard by the casual way Ian was able to put his hands on me-as though I were hu mankind.Ian jerked his chin toward Walters hand clasped around mine. Do you think you can sleep like that?Yes, Im sure I can.Sleep well, then. He smiled at me, then turned and lifted Jamie from the other cot. Lets go, kid, he muttered, carrying the boy with no more effort than if he were an infant. Ians quiet footsteps faded into the distance until I couldnt hear them anymore.Doc yawned and went to sit behind the desk hed constructed out of wooden crates and an aluminum door, taking the dim lamp with him. Walters face was too dark to see, and that do me nervous. It was like he was already gone. I took comfort in his fingers, still curled stiffly around mine.Doc began to shuffle by dint of some papers, sing almost inaudibly to himself. I drifted off to the vocalise of the gentle rustling.Walter recognized me in the morning.He didnt wake until Ian showed up to escort me back the cornfield was due to be cleared of the old stalks. I promised Doc I would bring him breakfast before I got to work. The very last thing I did was to carefully loosen my numb fingers, freeing them from Walters grasp.His eyes opened. Wanda, he whispered.Walter? I wasnt sure how long clutched he would know me, or if he would remember last night. His hand clutched at the void air, so I gave him my left, the one that wasnt dead.You came to see me. That was nice. I know with the others back must be hard for you Your faceHe seemed to be having a difficult time reservation his lips form the words, and his eyes went in and out of focus. How like him, that his first words to me would be full of concern.Everythings fine, Walter. How are you feeling?Ah - He groaned quietly. Not so Doc?Right here, Doc murmured, clos e behind me.Got any more liquor? he gasped.Of course.Doc was already prepared. He held the mouth of a thick ice bottle to Walters slack lips and carefully poured the dark brown liquid in slow drips into his mouth. Walter winced as each sip burned down his throat. Some of it trickled out the side of his mouth and onto his pillow. The smell stung my nose.Better? Doc asked after a long moment of slow pouring.Walter grunted. It didnt sound like assent. His eyes closed.More? Doc asked.Walter grimaced and then moaned.Doc cursed under his breath. Wheres Jared? he muttered.I stiffened at the prepare. Melanie stirred and then drifted again.Walters face sagged. His head rolled back on his neck.Walter? I whispered.The pains too lots for him to stay conscious. Let him be, Doc said.My throat felt swollen. What can I do?Docs voice was desolate. About as much as I can. Which is nothing. Im useless.Dont be like that, Doc, I heard Ian murmur. This isnt your fault. The dry land doesnt work the way it used to. No one expects more of you.My shoulders hunched inward. No, their world didnt work the same way anymore.A finger tapped my arm. Lets go, Ian whispered.I nodded and started to pull my hand free again.Walters eyes rolled open, unseeing. Gladdie? Are you here? he implored.Um Im here, I said uncertainly, letting his fingers lock around mine.Ian shrugged. Ill get you both some food, he whispered, and then he left.I waited anxiously for him to return, unnerved by Walters misconception. Walter murmured Gladyss name over and over, but he didnt seem to need anything from me, for which I was grateful. After a while, half an hour maybe, I began listening for Ians footsteps in the tunnel, wondering what could be taking him so long.Doc stood by his desk the whole time, staring into nothing with his shoulders slumped. It was easy to see how useless he felt.And then I did hear something, but it wasnt footsteps.What is that? I asked Doc in a whisper Walter was quiet again, maybe uncons cious. I didnt want to disturb him.Doc turned to look at me, cocking his head to the side at the same time to listen.The noise was a funny thrumming, a fast, velvet beat. I thought I heard it get just a little louder, but then it seemed quieter again.Thats weird, Doc said. It almost sounds like He paused, his supercilium furrowing in concentration as the unfamiliar sound faded.We were listening intently, so we heard the footsteps when they were still far away. They did not match the expected, even pace of Ians return. He was running-no, sprinting.Doc reacted immediately to the sound of trouble. He jogged quickly out to meet Ian. I wished I could see what was wrong, too, but I didnt want to upset Walter by trying to free my hand again. I listened hard instead.Brandt? I heard Doc say in surprise.Where is it? Where is it? the other man demanded breathlessly. The running footsteps only paused for a second, then started up again, not quite as fast.What are you talking about? Doc asked , calling back this way.The parasite Brandt hissed impatiently, anxiously, as he burst through and through the arched entry.Brandt was not a big man like Kyle or Ian he was probably only a few inches taller than me, but he was thick and solid as a rhinoceros. His eyes move the room his piercing gaze focused on my face for half a second, then took in Walters oblivious form, and then raced around the room only to end up on me again.Doc caught up with Brandt then, his long fingers gripping Brandts shoulder just as the broader man took the first step in my direction.What are you doing? Doc asked, his voice the closest to a growl Id ever heard it.Before Brandt answered, the odd sound returned, going from soft to screaming loud to soft again with a suddenness that had us all frozen. The beats thudded right on top of one another, shaking the air when they were at their loudest.Is that-is that a eggbeater? Doc asked, whispering.Yes, Brandt whispered back. Its the Seeker-the one from before , the one who was looking for it. He jerked his chin at me.My throat was suddenly too small-the breaths moving through it were thin and shallow, not enough. I felt dizzy.No. Not now. Please.What is her problem? Mel snarled in my head. Why cant she leave us alone?We cant let her hurt themBut how do we stop her?I dont know. This is all my faultMine, too, Wanda. Ours.Are you sure? Doc asked.Kyle got a clear view through the binoculars while it was hovering. Same one he saw before.Is it looking here? Docs voice was suddenly horrified. He half spun, eyes flashing toward the exit. Wheres Sharon?Brandt shook his head. Its just running sweeps. Starts at Picacho, then fans out in spokes. Doesnt look like its focusing on anything close. Circled around a few times where we dumped the car.Sharon? Doc asked again.Shes with the kids and Lucina. Theyre fine. The boys are getting things packed in case we have to roll tonight, but Jeb says its not likely.Doc exhaled, then paced over to his desk. He slouched against it, looking as if hed just run a long race. So its nothing new, really, he murmured.Naw. Just have to lay low for a few days, Brandt reassured him. His eyes were flickering around the room again, subsidence on me every other second. Do you have any rope handy? he asked. He pulled up the edge of the sheet on an empty cot, examining it.Rope? Doc echoed blankly.For the parasite. Kyle sent me out here to secure it.My muscles contracted involuntarily my hand gripped Walters fingers too tightly, and he whimpered. I tried to force it to warm up while I kept my eyes on Brandts hard face. He was waiting for Doc, expectant.Youre here to secure Wanda? Doc said, his voice hard again. And what makes you think thats infallible?Come on, Doc. Dont be stupid. Youve got some big vents in here, and a lot of reflective metal. Brandt gestured to a file cabinet against the far skirt. You let your attention jockey for half a minute, and itll be flashing planetary houseals to that Se eker.I sucked in a shocked breath it was loud in the still room.See? Brandt said. Guessed its plan in one.I wanted to bury myself under a boulder to hide from the bulging, relentless eyes of my Seeker, yet he imagined I wanted to guide her in. bring down her here to kill Jamie, Jared, Jeb, Ian I felt like gagging.You can go, Brandt, Doc said in an icy tone. I will keep an eye on Wanda.Brandt raised one eyebrow. What happened to you guys? To you and Ian and Trudy and the rest? Its like youre all hypnotized. If your eyes werent right, Id have to wonderGo ahead and wonder all you want, Brandt. But get out while youre doing it.Brandt shook his head. Ive got a job to do.Doc walked toward Brandt, stopping when he was between Brandt and me. He folded his arms across his chest.Youre not going to touch her.The throbbing helicopter blades sounded in the distance. We were all very still, not breathing, until they faded.Brandt shook his head when it was quiet again. He didnt speak he just wen t to the desk and picked up Docs chair. He carried it to the wall by the file cabinet, slammed it to the ground, and then sat down hard, making the metal legs squeal against the stone. He leaned forward, his hands on his knees, and stared at me. A vulture waiting for a dying hare to stop moving.Docs jaw tightened, making a little popping noise.Gladys, Walter muttered, surfacing from his dazed sleep. Youre here.Too nervous to speak with Brandt watching, I just patted his hand. His clouded eyes searched my face, seeing features that werent there.It hurts, Gladdie. It hurts a lot.I know, I whispered. Doc?He was already there, the brandy in hand. Open up, Walter.The sound of the helicopter thumped quietly, far away but still much too close. Doc flinched, and a few drops of brandy splattered on my arm.It was a shocking day. The worst of my life on this planet, even including my first day in the caves and the last hot, dry day in the desert, hours from death.The helicopter circled and ci rcled. Sometimes more than an hour would pass, and I would think it was last over. Then the sound would come back, and I would see the Seekers obstinate face in my head, her protruding eyes scouring the blank desert for some sign of humans. I tried to will her away, concentrating hard on my memories of the deserts featureless, colorless plain, as if I could somehow make sure she saw nothing else, as if I could bore her into leaving.Brandt never took his suspicious stare off of me. I could always feel it, though I rarely looked at him. It got a little violate when Ian came back with both breakfast and lunch. He was all dirty from packing in case of an evacuation-whatever that meant. Did they have anywhere to go? Ian scowled so hard he looked like Kyle when Brandt explained in clipped phrases why he was there. Then Ian dragged another empty cot beside mine, so that he could sit in Brandts line of sight and block his view.The helicopter, Brandts distrustful watch, these were not real ly so bad. On an ordinary day-if there was really such a thing anymore-either one of these might have seemed agonizing. Today, they were nothing.By noon, Doc had given Walter the last of the brandy. It seemed like only minutes later that Walter was writhing, moaning, and gasping for breath. His fingers bruised and chafed mine, but if I ever pulled away, his moans turned to shrill screams. I ducked out once to use the latrine Brandt followed me, which made Ian feel like he had to come, too. By the time we got back-after intimately running the whole way-Walters screams no longer sounded human. Docs face was hollow with echoed agony. Walter quieted after I spoke to him for a moment, letting him think his wife was near. It was an easy lie, a kind one. Brandt made little noises of irritation, but I knew that he was wrong to be upset. Nothing mattered beside Walters pain.The whimpers and the writhing continued, though, and Brandt paced back and forth at the other end of the room, trying to be as far from the sound as possible.Jamie came looking for me, bringing food enough for four, when the light was growing orangey overhead. I wouldnt let him stay I made Ian take him back to the kitchen to eat, made Ian promise to watch him all night so he wouldnt sneak back here. Walter couldnt help shrieking when his twisting moved his broken leg, and the sound of it was nearly unbearable. Jamie shouldnt have this night burned into his memory the way it would surely be burned into Docs and mine. Perhaps Brandts as well, though he did what he could to ignore Walter, plugging his ears and humming a dissonant tune.Doc did not try to distance himself from Walters hideous suffering instead, he suffered with him. Walters cries carved deep lines in Docs face, like claws raking his skin.It was strange to see such depths of compassion in a human, particularly Doc. I couldnt look at him the same way after watching him live Walters pain. So majuscule was his compassion, he seemed to blee d internally with it. As I watched, it became impossible to believe that Doc was a cruel person the man simply could not be a torturer. I tried to remember what had been said to found my conjectures-had anyone made the accusation outright? I didnt think so. I must have jumped to unreasonable conclusions in my terror.I doubted I could ever mistrust Doc again after this nightmarish day. However, I would always find his hospital a horrible place.When the last of the daylight disappeared, so did the helicopter. We sat in the darkness, not daring to turn on even the dim blue light. It took a few hours before any of us would believe the hunt was over. Brandt was the first to accept it hed had enough of the hospital, too.Makes sense for it to give up, he muttered, edging out the exit. Nothing to see at night. Ill just take your light with me, Doc, so that Jebs pet parasite cant get up to anything, and be on my way.Doc didnt respond, didnt even look at the labored man as he left.Make it s top, Gladdie, make it stop Walter begged me. I wiped the sweat from his face while he crushed my hand.Time seemed to slow down and stop the black night felt unending. Walters screams got more and more frequent, more and more excruciating.Melanie was far away, knowing she could do nothing useful. I would have hidden, too, if Walter hadnt undeniable me. I was all alone in my head-exactly what I had once wanted. It made me feel lost.Eventually, a dim gray light started to creep in through the high vents overhead. I was hovering on the edge of sleep, Walters moans and screams keeping me from sinking under. I could hear Doc snoring behind me. I was glad that hed been able to escape for a little while.I didnt hear Jared come in. I was mumbling weak assurances, barely coherent, trying to calm Walter.Im here, Im here, I murmured as he cried out his wifes name. Shh, its okay. The words were meaningless. It was something to say, though, and it did seem that my voice calmed the worst of his c ries.I dont know how long Jared watched me with Walter before I realized he was there. It must have been a while. I was sure his first reaction would be anger, but when I heard him speak, his voice was cool.Doc, he said, and I heard the cot behind me shake. Doc, wake up.I jerked my hand free, whirling, disoriented, to see the face that went with the unmistakable voice.His eyes were on me as he shook the sleeping mans shoulder. They were impossible to read in the dim light. His face had no expression at all.Melanie jolted into awareness. She pored over his features, trying to read the thoughts behind the mask.Gladdie Dont leave Dont Walters screech had Doc bolting upright, nearly capsizing his cot.I spun back to Walter, shoving my sore hand into his searching fingers.Shhh, shhh Walter, Im here. I wont leave. I wont, I promise.He quieted down, whimpering like a small child. I wiped the damp cloth over his forehead his sob hitched and turned into a sigh.Whats that about? Jared murmure d behind me.Shes the best painkiller Ive been able to find, Doc said wearily.Well, Ive found you something better than a tame Seeker.My paunch knotted, and Melanie hissed in my head. So stupidly, blindly stubborn she growled. He wouldnt believe you if you told him the sun sets in the west.But Doc was beyond caring about the slight to me. You found somethingMorphine-theres not much. I would have gotten here sooner if the Seeker hadnt pinned me down out there.Doc was instantly in action. I heard him rustling through something papery, and he crowed in delight. Jared, youre the miracle manDoc, just a secBut Doc was at my side already, his haggard face alight with anticipation. His hands were lodge in with a small syringe. He stuck the tiny needle into the crease at Walters elbow, on the arm that was attached to me. I turned my face away. It seemed so horribly invasive to stab something through his skin.I couldnt argue with the results, though. Within half a minute, Walters entire bod y relaxed, melting into a pile of loose condition against the thin mattress. His breathing went from harsh and urgent to whispery and even. His hand relaxed, freeing mine.I massaged my left hand with my right, trying to bring the blood back to my fingertips. Little prickles followed the string up of blood under my skin.Uh, Doc, there really isnt enough for that, Jared murmured.I looked up from Walters face, peaceful at last. Jared had his back to me, but I could see the surprise in Docs expression.Enough for what? Im not going to save this for a rainy day, Jared. Im sure well wish we had it again, and too soon, but Im not going to let Walter scream in agony while I have a way to help himThats not what I meant, Jared said. He spoke the way he did when hed already thought about something long and hard. Slow and even, like Walters breath.Doc frowned, confused.Theres enough to stop the pain for maybe three or four days, thats all, Jared said. If you give it to him in doses.I didnt und erstand what Jared was saying, but Doc did.Ah, he sighed. He turned to look at Walter again, and I saw a rim of fresh bust start to pool above his lower lids. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.I wanted to know what they were talking about, but Jareds presence made me silent, brought back the reserve I rarely felt the need for anymore.You cant save him. You can only save him pain, Doc.I know, Doc said. His voice broke, like he was holding back a sob. Youre right.Whats going on? I asked. As long as Melanie was going to be around, I might as well make use of her.Theyre going to kill Walter, she told me matter-of-factly. Theres enough morphine to give him an overdose.My gasp sounded loud in the quiet room, but it was really just a breath. I didnt look up to see how the two healthy men would react. My own tears pooled as I leaned over Walters pillow.No, I thought, no. Not yet. No.Youd rather he died screaming?I just I cant stand the finality. Its so absolute. Ill never see my friend again.How many of your other friends have you gone back to visit, Wanderer?Ive never had friends like this before.My friends on other planets were all blurred together in my head the souls were so similar, almost symmetric in some ways. Walter was distinctly himself. When he was gone, there would be no one who could fill his place.I cradled Walters head in my arms and let my tears fall onto his skin. I tried to stifle my crying, but it made its way out regardless, a keening rather than sobs.I know. Another first, Melanie whispered, and there was compassion in her tone. Compassion for me-that was a first, too.Wanda? Doc asked.I just shook my head, not able to answer.I think youve been here too long, he said. I felt his hand, light and warm, on my shoulder. You should take a break.I shook my head again, still keening softly.Youre worn out, he said. Go clean up, stretch your legs. Eat something.I glared up at him. Will Walter be here when I get back? I mumbled through my tears.His eyes tightened anxiously. Do you want that?Id like a chance to say goodbye. Hes my friend.He patted my arm. I know, Wanda, I know. Me, too. Im in no hurry. You get some air and then come back. Walter will be sleeping for a while.I read his worn face, and I believed the sincerity there.I nodded and carefully put Walters head back on the pillow. Maybe if I got away from this place for a little bit, Id find a way to handle this. I wasnt sure how-I had no experience with real goodbyes.Because I was in get it on with him, no matter that it was unwilling, I had to look at Jared before I left. Mel wanted this, too, but wished that she could somehow exclude me from the process.He was staring at me. I had a feeling his eyes had been on me for a long time. His face was carefully composed, but there was surprise and suspicion in there again. It made me tired. What would be the point of acting out a charade now, even if I were that talented a liar? Walter would never stand up for me again. I couldnt sucker him anymore.I met Jareds gaze for one long second, then turned to hurry down the pitch-black corridor that was brighter than his expression.